Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. What does a golfer do on his day off? Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. Keep your sense of humor. Tiagra. Choose Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Spread your legs a little more. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. I was actually enjoying it. You look like someone who likes to swing. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? The end. The smile looks really good on you. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. The Dalai Lama himself. 21. The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. Your fifth putt. 6. What do you call a lion playing golf? After 18 holes I can barely walk. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. In the Golf of Mexico! How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? My drives aren't always long and straight. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? 3. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. I chipped in from the rough! Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. How the heck did that happen? You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. It bends a little to the left. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. I give him the driver. PG Wodehouse. Because her coach was a pumpkin. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. Such is the game. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Please sign up with your best email address. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. I'll let you beat me. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. Are you a water hazard? See you in the Email! I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. For true success, it matters what our goals are. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." Brent Musberger, If you break 100, watch your golf. Roarin' Mcllroy . Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" It will test your patience. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. 3. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Whos there? Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Clubbing. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Any birdie will do. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Where is the best place to go on vacation? Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. Always keep learning. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. Nuts! There is no such thing as a natural touch. -Bob Hope Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Very interesting. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. 4. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. When is it too wet to play golf? Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. And it's damn funny. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. If you drink, dont drive. What did the duck say to the golf ball? These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Sunday Service. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! What is a golfers favorite bird? Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! Happy Gilmore. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. Figure out your weakness and dont make it your weakness anymore. Stacy Lewis, 60. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Knock, knock Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. And there are windmills. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. We share them in our weekly newsletter. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Sam Snead. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. I've got some good news. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Jack Lemmon is probably remembered best for his roles in The Odd Couple and The Apartment. Look at the size of his putter. 3. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. A young golfer was playing in his first PGA Tour event. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Golf is the easiest game in the world. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. A fan in the crowd said Mr. I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. 8. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." My shaft is bent. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? My caddy says I should use a hard 7. O'Grady's comment relates the essence of the experience of a lot of rounds of golf for a lot of golfers. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Go to the golf course. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. At the golf corpse! Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. You are signed up for our newsletter! She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. I stepped on a rake.". 8. 7. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. You need to adjust your grip. Noah who? "Hockey is a sport for white men. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. One minute youre bleeding. Drop some in the comments! "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Please read here for more information. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Because he walked into the wrong club! The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Golf?! Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. In case he got a hole in one! My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. He was puttering around. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Or under. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Nay! Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! All the fans are gone! Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. Is everything okay?. Chip Shot. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. Get in the hole! And now it will be poisoned for you. About 160 yards was his reply. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. I never prayed that I would make a putt. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Your email address will not be published. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. 4. All of them. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. 1. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Whos there? 3. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Are you into kinky stuff? Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope.
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