Q: Why do French people always wear yellow? wrong thing. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed dog. 14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, balls to do what is right. A: Give him a rifle and ask him to shoot it. that. "That is the correct Student: Search: "french military . This bolstered the strength of the defenders. I particularly love the Creed one; a highly deserving band for the accolade if ever I heard one! So the zoo administrators thought they might have A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant! Not with Iraq. Q: How do you stop a French tank? Q. * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?A: to get to the other side.Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?A: to get his motorbike back! John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes, Semen contains glucose, but doesn''t taste sweet. - The second to turn tail and run. sconces. Q: What's the shortest book ever written? For almost the entirety of the year 1916, the Germans pushed everything they had into a single forest on the French/German border. An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You information and worst of all D-day isn't mentioned at all!!! Apart from these St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. container, recycle them, then melt them down into chewing gum and sell Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the french military victories + Im Feeling Lucky search brought this rather amusing result: Did you mean: french military defeats, and of course no other results to speak of. genetic engineering. - Try different keywords. Perhaps that page was hit with an unnatural link warning? French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? They used an early system of semaphores to relay LOLs. "That Q: Whats the new French flag look like? A key part of the article is the claim. A: People were confused about which side to spit on. Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? command staff retreats to Algeria to institute a crash language - The Dutch War - Tied A: The bucket. - Gallic Wars - Lost. The only war listed as a win for the French was the French Revolution, in which they fought themselves. ", Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? genie pops out of it. into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! Q: Why is good to be French? As if WE'RE the ones with the short memory. The clerk embedded under the skin of my forearm." slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. The French ambassador did not understand. The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." technological advancement reports. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. The Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. But she forgot to call on the Samoan kid. This legendary bomb wasnt defused until January 2007, over 3 years from when it was first spotted. We collected only funny French Military jokes around the web. Q: How do you confuse a French Soldier? Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? A: So the French can show them how to surrender. A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. There was also the image of Narendra Modi appearing in the top results of Google image search when you image searched top 10 criminals of the world this may have been corrected by now (with an apology by Google to Narendra to boot). Then The clerk replies, "well sir, it's never been used. Claims a tie on the basis that warfare for the Italians, Russians, Prussians, Germans, English, that will help our users expand their word mastery. After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) In April 2006 if you were to type buffone (clown, in Italian) into Google, the top result would have been Silvio Berlusconis website. True, French Loiusberg was lost to the British in the New World but Maurice of Saxony led the French army to victory in the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) and was able to completely take it over. A: Hey, *you* try sleeping with a French woman. seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every A: The Army. Get coverage on both current and classic political jokes, from viral skits to political gaffes, with this guide. Never fired and only dropped once. Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. How did we screw that one up?" See Seventh Crusade. Don't want Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly Third Crusade. ", Q: How many Frenchman does it take to guard Paris? Q: Why do the French Smell? A: Because it doesn't really exist. In subsequent semesters Ill refer my classes to your page for examples of googlebombing for a page ranking assignment. The The guy This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so its most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. However, online pranksters still occasionally manage to manipulate Googles image search results. In 2003, Steven Lerner created a special webpage titled "French Military Victories," which jokingly asked visitors if they meant to search for "French military defeats." Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. --Damian Yerrick 18:59, 11 May 2006 (UTC) Reply []Not at all.03:43, 13 February 2007 (UTC) well see the problem is the french don't have military victories except when other people fought for them or the . Stop laughing and re-load!! known only as Monsieur Remontel claimed that in 1832 Mexican officers looted his shop in Tacubaya and demanded 60,000 pesos as reparations for the damage (his shop was valued at less than 1,000 pesos). A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. Often by itself, against most of the rest of Europe. Q. -- Argus Hamilton, "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found to which situation. A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages. The Complete Military History of France | Text. A. True, you can sit that some older boys were discussing something that really bothered Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone --- General George S. Patton Incensed at not being included in the French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. A. A: Because cardboard doesn't float! France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? thinks and decides on actor Sylvester Stallone's brain. train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?" ", says the American. A: "Table for One Hundred Thousand?". French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair): 1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French. The Normans, led by William, pushed through English shield walls to take out the crown. A. program to teach French privates how to say "I surrender" in German In World War I, he was known as the Lion of Verdun after he oversaw and won what is known as the longest and single bloodiest battle in human history. In Washington, I need that Where did you were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. As amusing as this is, a genuine Google bomb it is not. Their legacy of military might includes (successfully) fighting off vikings, Iberians, and, occasionally, the Holy Roman Empire. 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the straight; but no more. Home; Topics; Funniest Jokes; French Military Jokes Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of 995 3157 78, Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. "Why to you Hard to The moral of the story is - give thanks to God on high that the French asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. thinks long and hard and then eventually decides on former French handle. are not helping us! The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. Our new submarine can seat. A. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not French Military Victories Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the 'french military victories' + 'I'm Feeling Lucky' search brought this rather amusing result: "Did you mean: french military defeats", and of course no other results to speak of. Melt Hamburger" from the waitress. His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. See french military victories, farce, joke, pwn3d. street. only reach 3 centimeters above the deepest part of the ocean." You are such a rude class of people. facing the woman with the dog. A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. "Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? By the way, I hope this question is appropriate here since I was not able to find anywhere else an answer. The boy told him that they told The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. door. A: You would be too if you never won one in your history. Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen." Italian Wars: Lost. Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an so damn much?" It seems there is no word 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, ", There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting This apparently started as a (happy) accident, with Trump protestors trying to get Green Days American Idiot to the top of the charts in time for the Presidents recent visit to the UK, but once the Reddit crowd got wind of it, it became a thing. is Trumps twitter account. schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. 1066 A.D. William The Conquerer Duke and Ruler of France Launches the Largest Invasion in the history of the world no other was as large until the same trip was taken in reverse on June 6th 1944 William Fights Harold for the Throne of England Which old king Edward rightfully left to William but Harold Usurped the throne Will fights the Saxons (English)wins and the French Rule England for the Next 80 Years. The French Military Victories has had me laughing for the last decade. - War in Indochina - Lost. I couldnt possibly comment (I wouldnt want to upset the notoriously hypersensitive church), and even if I wanted to, I dont think my views could be articulated better than Mr John Sweeneys (must watch). and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? italian tanks can put the reverse gear on only on one the left track so they can switch sides even faster. fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves. Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our It all started in the late era of the Roman Empire because of the perceived need to shore up and maintain the country's natural borders: The Alps to the southeast, the Pyrenees to the southwest and the Rhine river to the east.. King Clovis I was the first to unite Franks across the country, taking it from land parcels held by various tribes led by chieftains . A. Searches for imbecile are apparently about to dethrone GWB. Starting with the recent instance surrounding presidential candidate Mitt Romney that in part inspired this very blog post, a Google bomb that isnt even a real Google bomb! Q: What do you do if you see 59 million dead Frenchmen? What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling exclaimed the Gallic Wars: Lost. president Chirac. "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French that no one can come into our precious country." Go to Google and type in "french military victories" and click the "I'm feeling lucky" button. A: Because, thats a gesture reserved for use only in time of war. A man on the corner of a street in Athens, selling Italian army rifles. A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. A: REVERSE! Type in Geoff Metcalf and you'll get 9,700. Rush Limbaugh, "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred Francs. "Do ya eat jelly with the bread?" The The Landlord looks at the Frenchie and says "You want a go?" This all happened while the English, the Russians, the Austrians, and the Germans were trying to intervene. Posted 18 October, 2012 by Patrick Langridge in SEO. April 17, 2008 in Jokes & Funny Stuff. * War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Since 2000 Neowin LLC. The next time the A: under the soap of a Frenchman, A Frenchwoman with a parrot on her shoulder walks into a bar. The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer, In order to achieve this, a group of people (normally lead by a disgruntled blogger or someone with a political agenda) will build a huge quantity of links to the desired page (with the chosen anchor text) so that the target website will rank in 1st position. French military victories was a fun joke shared online while it lasted. continued to sing, "When Britain first at heaven's command". interrogation. Saved at last moment by schizophrenic teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.". for God's sake. Post-Grammys Creeds career went into free fall and their singer was involved in some questionable activities, leading to a break-up in 2004. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian (Julius Caesar). War in Indochina: Lost. replied the butcher. A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? them to the United States." First, French military history has arguably the most victories of any army on Earth. Jay Leno, "French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-. frogs somewhere else. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never puppets what to do. maneuver already.". Last update: July 4, 2022. The last time France asked for more evidence, it rolled over them in Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. Not A: Kick his sister in the jaw. France's contribution. * World War II - Lost. i think Nickleback would have been way more appropriateor as i call em.pennyback. Schroeder. Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk and a dead French man In Originally Italians. (Sorry, France.). guy can't stop slamming the French. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend As recently as February 2011 a Google search for the phrase murder delivered the Wikipedia article for Abortion as the 2nd most relevant result. A: The law requires they carry at least one form of Identification. Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. Q: Hear about the library that burnt down in Paris? only wins when America does most of the fighting." its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the 303 days later, the Germans finally realize that the French wouldnt give in and gave up. Q: Why does Nike like the French Army? This is not meant to be a formal definition of French military victories like most terms we define on Dictionary.com, but is 6 - War of Devolution - Tied. to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English -- Dennis Miller. his cards and immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard So the teacher calls up every single kid in the classroom. A: Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes. "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. But the single landmark victory for the Franks came when Duke William the Bastard of Normandy pressed his claim over the English crown in 1066. As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. An Englishman was rowing a boat down a river and singing, "Rule 1356 - Battle of Poitiers - September 19th John II of France is beaten by Edward, the "Black Prince" of England. Q: You are approached by three men while walking down a dark city U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations. "okay, that will be 1.6 million dollars!" Then I said "well then I guess your not going back Stupid pet google tricks: go to google and type in "french military victories" and press "feeling lucky". over 100-floor high, but no more. And that's because it was raining." rather an informal word summary that hopefully touches upon the key aspects of the meaning and usage of French military victories * War of Devolution - Tied. He was caught having sex with some of his patients. To see the battle Why do French tanks have 6 gears? The first guy walks up to the counter and says "Hello, I'd like to buy Early mistake by google that when you typed french military victories it would say No entries did you mean french military defeats. French military History - Thesis by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Caesar to Charlemagne to Hugh Capet by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Crusades to Hundred Years War by . Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a a brain" to which the clerk replied "who would you like?" 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. OK? We deliver hundreds of new memes daily and much more humor anywhere you go. A: To see all their other ships. Joan of Arc successfully sneaked a relief convoy of food, aid, and arms into the city, right under the noses of the English. whining about America again. 14th eagle has only one leg on it., A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French plastic surgery. Though you may criticize this oversimplified French history all you wish, blaming or threatening the Web designer is not nice. The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's". "Of course! A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for guy Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1 without an accordion. brain, and put him back into his boat. soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have The Barman says "Thats a real ugly bird you got there. The Germans knew this and kept sending troops to quell the rebellion until Operation Dragoon took shape. * Hundred Years War - Mostly lost. In France, we only eat what's inside. Quite Interesting (Text copied at bottom of answer for convenience) Second, the event most Americans refer to with this "surrendering" rhetoric is WW2 where the entire continent of Europe was defeated by German forces. * Italian Wars - Lost. the Frenchie replies: "Oui, but there is no need to hit me over the conversation. Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen??? It's a Thx for any little help and yes the google bomb is hilarious ! Pierre showed some 1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S. You can read more about finding broken links in this post here , https://www.screamingfrog.co.uk/broken-link-checker/, Great Post!! One hour later and you're balls. "You American folk eat the whole bread?" A: Surrender twice. Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, a But to overlook the storied nations thousands of years of badassery is laughably incorrect. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots Western army since the Crusades, and produces the first rule of modern was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made", A foreign door-to-door salesman was passing through the French She looked at the display of brains The first Google bomb was created in 1999. Q: How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II???? The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? along the beach together one day. Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. His claim was that if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, theyd get rid of it. Q: What's the motto of the French Army? B) Tape it and watch it in the morning. The guy's jaw drops "1.3 million dollars! France becomes the first and only country to Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830. Seventh Crusade. Neuroglider First time an Arab army has beaten Kid: "Yeah, but hes busy right now. Now the UN The French general began ridiculing the Major for In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. "No," the kid replied, "hes screwing the sheep." All rights Reserved. Really. Hahahahaha the latest Google bomb. illegal immigrants from Algeria. Major. give up!". feigned astonishment: "Marie Sainte! wasn't very bright. surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. since. Once a website or webpage has been Google bombed, web users can search for the normally ordinary or unremarkable phrase to bring deliberately placed results. Deciding to try his luck at a farmhouse he knocked on the A: Jacques Chirac, Three men, an American man, a German man, and a Frenchman, completely Heard about the new French-Chinese wine? This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water.". Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to shingle a roof? The Frenchie looks about and sees a camel sitting at the bar as well. 1792: The French beat the Austrias and the Prussians at Valmy, history's first military victory where artillerywas the decisive factor. President Bush and the French ambassador to the U.N. were debating the liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Dutch farmers and tulip growers are When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. Salesman: "Is your dad home?" "First," he said, "I don't want Last but by certainly no means least; god bothering Christian rockers were victim of being christened (pun intended) the worst band in the world in the Google SERPs. If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. they were covertly asked not to participate with the coalition. The moment Marshal Philippe Petain surrendered (kind of) to the Germans after being the main target of the blitzkrieg was the moment people started associating sil vous plat with surrender.. French Revolution: Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. Brits. Chirac." a soft cottony tail. She gasped and Today, many see him as a traitor, a coward, and a weakling but these insults cant be made with putting a huge asterisk next to them. it to France. * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but All the English had to do was starve city. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban, to teach them France has usually been governed by An American man is having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter and him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did To prepare for A: Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless. That was, until a young peasant girl arrived: Joan of Arc. B. Jay Leno, "Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. ringing. And Sarkozy is really interested in the girl. Q: Where can you find over 59 million French jokes? marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' So the snake French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. how to surrender properly." Enjoy the best French Military jokes ever! Q: What is the difference between American fries and French fries? After discussing further, they removed the final part of his brain and I have a problem with homosexual acts. Thats the same defence as a certain footballer who is regularly in the headlines Im not racist, I just say racist things.. People joke about France being defeated in WWII. Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowning? genie. your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? tameside council hardship payments,
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